Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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