I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
