You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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