i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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