not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.