I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.