I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.