remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me