Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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