you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
