it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
