Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
