i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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