You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
