True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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