You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
