My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
