does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
