No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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