Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
