I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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