Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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