Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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