What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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