Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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