Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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