Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
