and she was petting her beer can
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
