I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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