Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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