hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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