Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize