Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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