Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
