i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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