Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
