No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
