im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
