can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
