Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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