would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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