how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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