Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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