i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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