At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.