I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
