do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
