I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
