every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
