is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
