Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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