when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you are hot. that is all.
the delivery driver from silvermine.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
