Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
