everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
