Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
