Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
