dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
