i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
