Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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