i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
