i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
