I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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