There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
