Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
God I need to hump something, right now.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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